By the time we crescendoed over the airport escalators, each parent with a new baby on the hip, I was almost delirious with exhaustion. My head was weaving, I could not think straight, and my arms and legs were leaden. I was relieved to see my dear sweet family waiting to catch us. Thank you M and M and lil C, for the reminder to sit down, the triage work and the cuteness, respectively. Thanks S and R for the Gatorade. Thanks J for being videographer and secret service. Thanks R and R for all the RNR you supply to the family. And boy oh boy, did my boys look huge and gorgeous like a fat slice of apple pie. Home at last.

I was never well rested- which was fine. My hair fell out in large quantities every day- which was fine. The badness started last Wednesday night, when we brought the girls to live with us in Ethiopia. I thought it would pass, just like other spicy evenings. But it didn’t. I noticed it again the next day, and thought it was my gut. It wasn’t. After a couple of days dismissing it, after 24 hours on an airplane being in denial about it, I am finally able to say that I am ill. I have a burning spot high in my abdomen. I don’t know if it is an ulcer, gastritis, a parasite, whatever, but crippling pain shoots through my stomach every once in awhile, but especially when both babies cry and I don’t feel prepared. Also, I am starting to have panic attacks. I’m not thinking stressful thoughts, but my heart flutters wildly and I can’t breath.

I will see a doctor. But in the mean time, need help. I cannot think straight enough to organize my list of to do items, doctor, feedings, boys, summer, feedings, nursery, menu, grocery, laundry, hiring help, etc. I hope one of my friends will read this and offer to write me a plan of attack and just tell me what to do. Or find a qualified mother’s assistant and hire her for me and write her a plan of attack.

I thought that I would want to stay home with no visitors for a few weeks when I originally made my plans about bringing the girls home. Now, I find that just the opposite is true. I need friends and family to help set a strategy for the care of these and all my children.

I will write the happy ending to this post as soon as it happens, which I think will be in as little as one week. Please pray for us.

Fidelle